Clear your car clutter
The road to a harmonious road ahead begins within the interiors of your Benz SL 500. Clean the clutter. This means throwing away those napoleon green Ladurée boxes and the crinkly wrappers of your Venchi chocolates. Also, the baby bottles of vodka you filched from the minibar of your Christmas suite have got to go.
The floor of your home
If you want to revitalize the chi of your floor, invest in a good carpet—perhaps a Safavid. Make sure it measures 35 square feet which reflects the number of millions you made last year. If you can’t find a suitable Safavid, try the Chelaberd. Its colors are rich and so are you. Pro tip: you have to have a hard time pronouncing the carpet name. The harder it is to say, the more expensive it is, and the better its feng shui. A Fereghan Sarouk, for example, is slightly more expensive than a Mohtashem Kashan because it is harder to say. Also look into a Ziegler Mahal Carpet because, like its name, it is mahal.
The main door of your home
The doorknob on the main door of your home should be a gigantic diamond because your hand is accustomed to ice. It is your home and comfort is key. The door should be big but not so big it alters the appearance of your house. The height of a basketball hoop should suffice. The doorway should be as wide as two Porsche Cayennes.
The door must open to a large spacious room. This will not work if you are middle class and your living room is neither large nor spacious. If you are middle class, stop reading now, this is not for you. Please see Bo Sanchez. Follow his advice and you might be able to read this next year.
Your walls should be one of the yang colors. Laguna yellow is always nice, and so is tangerine. Don’t go overboard and do a goldenrod; amber or burnt sienna are a no-no, especially since Amber is the main panciteria of the madla, and burnt sienna sounds like your favorite Italian city just caught fire.
Avoid two sofas facing each other because this means confrontation. Like the time you asked your mother why the title of your family land in Palawan was in your brother’s name.
Make sure no excess paper is piled up in your living room—this means newspapers, magazines and crumpled cash. Don’t waste anything though—you can donate newspapers and magazines to paper drives, and all that crumpled cash to your alipores. Merry Christmas, Facundo.
Anything blocking the foyer should be removed because it will block the good energy flowing into the house. Just like all that cochon in your arteries this last holiday season.
Lucky Objects/ Amulets
Fill your house with lucky objects. Three-legged spotted toads with their hind legs facing eastward will do, but only if the warts on their right front legs are the size of a pencil point. Monkey amulets are also auspicious if they are made of brass melted from your grandmother’s pre-war candelabra. The one that your sister-in-law was eyeing right before your grandmother passed and the whole family waited for their turn to say good bye.
With these feng shui tips, you, dear rich person, are bound to get even richer in 2019. Happy New Year!
Banner photo from Warner Bros. Entertainment.
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